The Big Bang of Parenthood
Something else was happening in my life around that time. I became a father.
I loved A even before she was born, we have a deep connection. I used to chant a Buddhist sutra called “The Great Dharani” when she was still unborn and she used to gravitate to the side I was singing from.
Childbirth. I was there for the birth of my daughter, it never scared or disgusted me in any way. I was fully present. In fact, if I am honest it’s the biggest fucking “nature party” in Nature. Akin to a supernova energetically, and from my wife’s explosions of pain a universe was born.
I find myself cutting the umbilical cord of my firstborn daughter. A powerful symbolic moment if I am honest. Welcome to life, I will be your father for this journey.
They have this “WTF IS THIS” look when they first come out to this world. I don’t necessarily mean that in the panic kind of sense, it’s a consciousness waking up to the experience of life.
She didn't sleep for a year. Now when I say didn't sleep... not like all the parents that say that but you come to realize their kids slept 3-4 hours straight, fuck off you people. SHE DIDN’T SLEEP. After around 9 months with no regular sleep the mind begins to break down. I’m sure it didn't help my chances at making OFA work for me lol.
She taught me love and compassion like no one else has, she still does, and that’s not to say she didn't make me lose it once or twice (or a hundred) either. You can’t be ready for this experience. She is the sunshine of my life. I still sing “The Great Dharani” to her before bed once in a while.